Solitary Soul

Chapter 2

Fri, 10 Oct 2008 21:01:34 +0200

Chelsea grew to dislike me for my opinion about her beloved Ash. I still hoped she would admit she was wrong one day, but it took a while for me to understand that it was never going to happen. She was just too stubborn, which wasn’t my fault.

I also decided Ash an ungrateful pig, because he was always so lonely, yet he didn’t want the company of my best mate. If he could only explain to me why he always looked so miserable, I might have been capable of finding a reason to like him. But no. Too bad for me; too bad for Chelsea; too bad for him.

However, one music lesson, something even more disturbing happened. Our teacher set us to work in pairs to create a promotion poster for the Music Competition that was going to take place at the end of the next month. The teacher said that the pair with the best design will have their poster hung all around the school and they will get two free tickets to the Music Competition.

I really wanted to work with Chelsea - I knew we would come up with some fabulous ideas - but I knew that our music teacher liked to pick our partners herself, so I sat silently, waiting for her verdict to slip out of her foul mouth.

“Lola, work with Joe. Crissie, you can sit with Drake. Ash, you can work with…” she looked around, trying to find a person who really deserved the punishment of having to spend a lesson with the Emo, but she saw Chelsea’s hand up in the air and sighed with relief, “Chelsea. You can work with Chelsea. Daniel, shut up and go to sit with Michaela. Hilary, you’re working with Paul…”

And so on and so forth. I couldn’t stand it. I was sitting there, waiting for the teacher to tell me who I was supposed to work with, but she seemed to forget me every time. Finally, there was no one left to pair up, except me. All alone.

“Well, Mitchie, I guess you can go and work with Chelsea and Ash if you like,” the teacher sighed. I didn’t care; at least she said the name right. Plus, I was allowed to complete a project with my best mate. Who would want something more?

However, I realized after a while that Chelsea wasn’t the least bit interested in spending time with me. Everything she did was all about Ash, Ash and no one else.

“Ash, what colour should we draw the guitar?” was one of her irrelevant questions.

“How about orange?” I answered, trying to get hold of her attention.

“Like, no! Orange is too colourful, it’s atrocious! Right, Ash?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t mind.”

Wow! He actually talked! Seriously, it was the first time I had heard him speak, and his voice sounded just as sad and miserable as he was himself! Okay, maybe I’m being just a little too cruel, because Ash did sound kind and humane, but I was just resentful of him for “abducting” my best friend.

“We should make it black and draw tears or drops of blood on it. That would be stunning! I’ll go and ask Miss if we can use her PC,” decided Chelsea as she went off, smiling broadly at her supposedly outstanding idea.

I turned to Ash.

“Well, are you happy now?! My best friend hardly talks to me because she’s stuck on you all the time and now she’s even presenting things the way you would like them! She used to be a model student and, of course, she still is, but let me tell you something – after a while she’s going to turn into someone…someone…someone! And I don’t want to know who that someone will be!”

“Well, you can tell your best friend to stop following me around everywhere because I don’t like stalkers, and it isn’t my fault that I lost my parents a while ago. Both of them at the same time. Think about it,” the miserable creature responded quietly, definitely making a point. However, I was too outraged to listen.

“Chelsea is not a stalker! She likes you, and you are too ignorant to realize that she can’t do anything about that, either! Oh, and F.Y.I., I have lost both my parents, too. In a different way to you, but I still ended up all alone, without anyone to make me feel better! And now you’re taking the only treasured person I ever had, apart from my parents, away from me! How am I supposed to feel after that?!”

“You know, you’re being kind of selfish. I haven’t got anyone, either. You’re not the only one who feels so desolate. Maybe you should also start looking into people’s characters and not just observing them from a kilometer’s distance.”

“Excuse me?! Chelsea would have sex with you if you told her to! She would kill me if you told her to! She would trade herself into slavery if your highness wished so! What else do you want?! You’re not alone anymore!”

“You don’t understand!” he exclaimed.

“Oh, and why is that? Did I hurt your feelings, poor little Emo outcast? You know, I have as many problems as you do, yet I haven’t become Emo and I don’t cut my wrists or whatever you and your kind do!”

“At least I don’t insult everyone who isn’t like me and I take people for what they are and not for what they aren’t!”

“Whoa! So you admit that you cut your wrists?! Wow, that’s rich! People, did you hear that? He cuts his wrists! Show them to us! Come on, Ash, don’t be a wimp! You’ve just admitted it, there’s no turning back now!”

With those words I grabbed one of his sleeves and tried to move it out of the way, but Ash vigorously pulled back. By that time, he was really upset about the whole story and the people staring at him, some smirking, others laughing openly.

Then he swore. It was amazing since Ash was always so calm and tranquil. Yet he swore, for the first time ever, presumably. He swore and everything and everyone went quiet. The whole room filled with tension, which made me look up from his hands to his face.

And then I saw it, the pain and suffering, all exposed on one teenage face. All those memories, horrifying memories, all on one troublesome face. The expression could be described as nothing but agony, fear... However the eyes… As soon as I looked into Ash’s eyes, I regretted it. They felt like two strong magnets, pulling me closer and closer, making the connection between the two of us greater and more concentrated. The connection – there was something that me and Ash had in common and I couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt like our souls were similar in some particular way. What way, though? I didn’t know that. And before I could figure it out, he was out of the classroom, leaving nothing but the smell of his cologne.

I looked around, feeling dazed, and saw Chelsea. Her nose was wrinkled the way it naturally was when she looked at Lola, but this time it was pointing towards me. I was guilty this time.

“Chelsea-” I began.

“No, Carolina. You’re a bully, a big bully. I think you should better sit next to Lola this lunch,” she turned to leave, but then remembered something and turned back around, “By the way, you aren’t my best friend anymore. I hate you.”

And she walked off, leaving me astounded and shocked at her words. I couldn’t believe that I hadn’t realized before how serious Chelsea was about Ash, and now that I had, it was too late. Too late for me to change the words I said to Ash, too late for me to let Chelsea know that I was on her side. Too late for anything. Too late.

I turned around and realized that everybody else in the class was still there, even the teacher. It wasn’t the end of the lesson, by far, and both Chelsea and Ash were going to end up in trouble for storming out of class just like that.

“Maybe you should sit with me this lunch, Mitchie,” I heard a familiar voice pronouncing a different tone.

It was Lola. I would have never in my life thought that one day I would eat lunch and talk freely with Lola Lehman, that she would be nice to me and let me join her for the time being, or maybe a lifetime. She was against Chelsea and Ash being together. She was against Ash himself. However, sooner or later, I was to find she was right.

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Chapter 1

Thu, 09 Oct 2008 16:39:33 +0200

It all began on a random day, in the middle of the year, the middle of nowhere. Miss Terry was droning on about the rules of sine, cosine and tangent, while I was doodling on the back of my workbook and Chelsea was practically falling asleep. I like drawing - Art is my favourite subject, or at least one of them. I always put a lot of effort into my Art coursework, more than anything else. So.

There was around a quarter of an hour left for the end of the lesson when there was a knock on the door and Mrs. Durham, our Head teacher, came in. Behind her came in... Like, who? "Who is he? The director would never accept a boy like him into WHIZZ. What is he doing here?" I enquired silently, and my questions were about to be answered.

"Hello, class," called the Head.

"Hello, Mrs. Durham!" the whole class responded as one, as usual.

"Well, class, I am eminently glad that you still haven't forgotten your manners, because today you have a new student joining you. This is Ash. Unfortunately, a few months ago, he lost both his parents in a car accident. He is an orphan, like most of you are, so you must understand how he currently feels. I hope you will all be genteel and show Ash the love of our school," she turned to the teacher, "Miss Terry, I will leave Ash to you from this moment. Good luck."

The "good luck" part didn't sound very genteel. I had a feeling that our Head agreed with me that Ash would only cause problems. Wow! I had certainly never before coincided opinions with Mrs. Durham, certainly never before. But everything once happens for the first time, so here he was - Ash. The name suited his black hair and long fringe that covered almost half of his face. And his clothes. And even his sullen morose eyes that contemplated the class with a fearful expression. I turned away in disgust. I knew at once that I wasn't the only one to dislike him. No one was going to be nice to him. No one was going to show him the love of our school. No one. I looked again, scrutinizing his fragile figure, and my sight fell on Lola. I had never underestimated her before, so I knew by the smirk on her face that she was not going to leave the miserable boy alone. Ever. That started to scare me.

It took me a while to realize that everything around me was silent. Everyone was examining the new boy, attempting to figure out the reason for why the director let him into W.H.S.I.S. I looked at Chelsea; maybe she would make this silence less awkward than it was already? But she didn't. In fact, the expression on Chelsea's face contained more positivity than ever. She seemed to be in awe of the mysterious new student. "Why?" I asked myself.

Miss Terry broke the silence.

"Well, Ash. Welcome to West High School for Impressive Students. I hope you like it here. Now, if you just sit next to..." she looked around the classroom to try to find a spare place for Ash to sit. There was one, next to Lola, but Miss Terry obviously wasn't stupid. She tried to ignore the seat, but it was the only one left. Miss thought for a moment, and then announced the verdict: "Carolina, could you please move to sit next to Lola? Ash, you can sit next to Chelsea for now."

I scowled at the teacher, not only for making me sit next to my arch enemy but just for calling me by my real name. Stupid cow. I always asked everyone to call me Mitchie, even the teachers. Probably the only person who called me Carolina was Lola, to wind me up a little. She would always do that. But I had learnt to keep control of myself.

So I sat down next to the bitch and decided to make it the opposite this time. I wanted to get her angry. So I started talking to her.

"The new boy is a little bit weird, don't you think? He doesn't really belong here. Why do you think they let him in?" I whispered.

To my surprise, Lola answered and didn't even flinch.

"He really shouldn't be here. You're right. Maybe his parents left him a whole load of money, so the director decided he wanted it all. But I can assure you that he won't last long," she winked at me, "If the teachers don't drive him mad through bad grades and detentions, I will."

I looked at her with mock admiration. Lola was certainly proud of being the most annoying bully in the school that even the teachers couldn't get rid of.

"Have you realized your friend is an Emo-lover?" she startled me with her question. An Emo-lover? No. Chelsea's likes and dislikes were similar to mine. She couldn't. She wouldn't. "She's just usually nice to people," I told myself. But was that true? It didn't look to me like I would ever find out, but when I stole a look at my best friend, I understood that Lola was right. Chelsea was in every way attempting to start a conversation with the boy, who didn't seem like he wanted any company.

The bell rang just a little too late; I had already begun to feel queasy about the presence of that new boy Ash in our class. If Chelsea liked him, she could dump me for him. However, he didn't seem to really like her. Would that break her heart? Should I be on her side or shall I stay on my own? Is this what love is about? Poor Chelsea. Love could change her so much that she could become worse than Lola. I wouldn't bear that. So what should I do? Talk to her?

"Chelsea, you were circling around the new boy all day," I whispered to my best mate cautiously, "What about me? Am I not your best friend anymore?"

She was contemplating the dark sky, watching it magically make the stars appear and disappear. Usually she slept at night, like normal people. But that night I was surprised to see her sitting on her bed, thoughtfully looking out into nowhere. Without even turning, she responded.

"Of course you are, but..." she broke off.

"What?"

"Mitchie!" she turned to me with a desperate expression on her face, "Help me! I think I have fallen in love!"

I stared at her, my face expressionless. What was I supposed to say to that? I had mentioned earlier that our teenage years were about learning to be independent and making our own decisions. So, it was Chelsea's choice whether she wanted to carry on falling in love with a boy, or not. At least that was what I expected. Was I supposed to tell her what I thought? Was this what she was waiting for me to say? I stared at her helplessly. I was drowning in my own fears just then and I couldn't even help myself.

"He doesn't really like you. He doesn't really like anyone."

"He has a name, Mitchie!"

"I don't like his name. It doesn't sound right. It sounds dark and helpless."

"Don't be so insulting!"

"Sorry. I was just telling the truth!" I sighed, letting us both fall into silence.

After a minute of that, Chelsea finally spoke.

“Mitchie, since you like to tell the truth so much, tell me something… Am I pretty?”

I laughed out loud. Then, seeing the look on my best friend’s face, I pretended to contemplate her face while I tried to figure out why she had to ask me that question. Seriously, didn’t she already know? Her massive blue eyes and little piggy nose looked quite good together, in my opinion, and I’m being serious. I had always thought she was better looking than me. Besides, I would have always rather had her curly gingery-blonde hair than my simple brown waves. I had nothing special in me and I couldn’t help it. But Chelsea…

“Of course you are pretty! Chelsea, what are you on about?” I finally answered her inquiry.

“I just thought, you’re probably right when you say that Ash doesn’t like me. Why doesn’t he like me, though?”

“Maybe because he has a bad taste and he is horrible and… Chelsea, he doesn’t deserve 0.000001 per cent of you. I really don’t understand what you see in that… That… That heartless animal. There.”

"Mitchie! It hurts me that you have become just like everyone else! You judge people without even observing their character. That's not the way you used to be!"

"He doesn't even talk. How am I supposed to get to know him?" I defended myself.

"Look into his eyes and you will find out his whole life story. Try it. Ash's eyes are deep. They won't lie to you. And don't dare insult him again; otherwise you will lose your best friend, as in me. Goodnight."

Without saying another word to her, I closed my eyes and reviewed what Chelsea had said to me that night. Look into his eyes. That's stupid. No one's eyes can show you all their life and feelings. Plus, I have my own opinions. I'm not heartless, but I still thought that this Ash was just another idiot. He was probably lying in his own bed just then and trying to figure out yet another way to have a laugh at a girl. For instance, Chelsea. She'd be caught on his hook and that would break her heart. People would laugh at her at school. Stupid, stupid Chelsea.

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Prologue

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 20:03:27 +0200

Hey, I'm Mitchie! That's how I introduce myself to anyone who asks. I'm actually called Carolina, but I hate the name. It reminds me of my unimpressive childhood - my parents and the way it was all so great until... Never mind. A lot of things happened to me, and I don't even want to think about them. The most important part is the outcome; I ended up in W.H.S.I.S. That probably doesn't ring a bell to you. Well, let me tell you that it simply stands for West High School for Impressive Students. Everyone calls it WHIZZ instead. I like to mix with the crowd so I stick to it, too.

It was definitely a school for impressive students. I realized that as soon as I made my first step through the door. Many people weren't supposed to be there, and I was one of them. Only in WHIZZ can you acquire yourself an enemy before you actually have a chance to reach your home-classroom. She hated me from the very beginning of it all. Now, every time she passes me, it seems like the words 'I HATE YOU' are stamped on her forehead. It never changes, so it was the same back then. I read it by the look on her face. She was just taunting a red-haired girl at the desk behind hers when she spotted me with the corner of her eye. I can remember it like it was yesterday. I knew just then that I was going to be her next victim. Lola. That bitch.

I was sure I was never going to fit in, with Lola tantalizing me at every chance, but somehow I settled. I learned that I wasn't the only person who hated the evil girl so much, and that made me feel conscious of the fact that, for once in my life, I wasn't alone. I even found a friend - Chelsea. She was that red-haired girl Lola didn't really seem to like. Together we were one and we could fight and withstand all the bullies. We were only twelve and we didn't realize that these problems were kids' problems and nothing but. We were like two rebels, resisting the world of other children like us. Chelsea and I went everywhere together; we called each other best mates, and I guess that's what we really were. At least, I knew perfectly well that I wasn't about to be left all alone like I was years ago. But then came that age...

I didn't need our P.S.H.E. teacher to tell me that I was growing up - I was seriously changing physically. In two years, I had grown good-sized breasts and my hips were much wider. I got my first period when I was thirteen. That's not too late, right? However, what I didn't know was that when you reach this intriguing age, you change mentally and become more mature, too. Girls and boys begin to judge each other through looks more than anything else. This is where you start to find your real self, your real life, where no one will choose for you or even help you choose because they have their own decisions to make. This is when putting yourself in the first place won't procure people calling you selfish. It's when a person might be saying one thing but thinking something totally different, just too scared to let the world know what was on their mind. It was when you either became a vulnerable person for life, always caring about what people thought about you, or a strong one who just didn't give a damn. I stopped noticing Lola as much, although each time she seemed to find new and more painful words to hit on you with.

Then there's another subject that you've never been concerned about before... Love. You can't protect yourself from it. It comes just like that and you can't even tell whether it's true love for life or just an infatuation. When Chelsea and I had these 'girl talks', I'd always said how lucky I thought myself to not have fallen in love with anyone. Chelsea thought the same. Love evidently involved sex, so we talked about that, too. I was curious about the feeling of it but at the same time I felt disgusted and even embarrassed for thinking about it. We laughed for long hours before I reminded myself that my parents had 'it', too, to have me. I couldn't believe that Mom could go to bed with a man who, in the end, brought her to her grave.

I liked this "you're a teenager now" thing that my teachers told me every time I was supposed to make a choice and couldn't. I liked being close to grown-up but not yet quite that. But I didn't know that I was on the edge of losing everything I had acquired for the past few years in WHIZZ. Could I make it?

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Trailer

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:32:31 +0200

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